my phone needs a breathalizer
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
