No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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