so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
