Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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