i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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