Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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