It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
