now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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