i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize