i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
