he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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