I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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