i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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