Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize