I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
