She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
