Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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