You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
