guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
