love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
