im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
