marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
