why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
