so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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