I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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