It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i came on her dog
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
