There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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