As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
