You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
