Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
