He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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