high people should be assigned attendants
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
