At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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