Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I want a musical about memes.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
