im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize