It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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