You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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