I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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