So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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