I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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