Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
try to milk me bitch
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