New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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