My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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