I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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