i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
