I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
