her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
