so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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