Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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