Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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