its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
