this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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