i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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