Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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