Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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