Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
