so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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