so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
