it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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