rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
