What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize