i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
