I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
