porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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