I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
