We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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