And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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