I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Randomize
