I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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