I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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