Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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