put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
