Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
