Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
