Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
