cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
