Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
