yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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