I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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