i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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