1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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