I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
