When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
