Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
