Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
