whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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