You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
