ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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