remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
