May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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