just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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