I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
