So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
