Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
