I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
