Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
