The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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