I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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